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[ his smile spreads, encouraged by her own smile. ]

He didn't like it. He didn't like a lot of things I did - I still don't think he does, but this was one of the ones that he tolerated. If he didn't let me continue to tinker the way I did, I think he would have regretted it.

[ after all, his mechanical talents have gotten them out of tight situations before. so while his tone is light, there is an edge to it. a challenge and resentment towards old master who he would absolutely love to say i told you so. but jedi don't gloat.

he keeps his face perfectly neutral, his tone as well, when he asks: ]

Do you think our son is [ was? ] a tinker?

[ a veiled complaint she would have soon dismissed as normal venting of frustration no longer reads as frustration or as normal. it's a bitterness, one that poisoned him for years. ( one that may have been — must have been — fed by the emperor. they spent too long apart; she didn't know, didn't see —

and yet, what kind of wife was she that she never discerned the depths of his unhappiness? )

obi-wan loves you, she means to tell him. obi-wan may have warned her of her overt feelings for anakin, but he was not any less obvious with his. his actions, even those that seemed limiting or unfair, had always been taken with the purpose of protecting anakin. surely anakin knows that.

then he brings up luke and padmé can think of nothing but the boy she had met. ]

He is.

[ padmé draws the kit into her lap. her fingers carefully pick around the locking mechanism until she's rewarded with a dull click and a slow creaking of metal when it opens. it gives her just enough time to recover her breath, doing her best to ignore the ache underneath her heart as if she had been punched. ]

Before we knew who the other was, I spoke with him of what he did. He's quite skilled at taking things apart and putting them back together. I think he was afraid he would be stuck doing repairs here too. [ she chuckles quietly. ] There's too much of an adventurer in him.

[ her fingers run over the contents of the box: batteries, what looks like a plasma cutter. nothing to hold her attention for so long, but she continues to fiddle with them and turn them over as if something else will reveal itself to her. ]

[ a rough, singular sound comes out of him - half way between a laugh and a sob. he could imagine a day where he would have a son, a child with his name and his mother's name. he could imagine a son he would teach all the finer details of making a droid, the wiring to enable them tot come to life, even nursing burn fingers from soldering.

he couldn't see that with luke when he met the young man. but he could see the younger boy that luke might have been. something about that hurts more than knowing that he's dead. ]

I would have liked more time with him. Even if I couldn't quite bring myself to believe I had a full grown child.

[ anakin releases a slow breath and he looks to his wife, still beautiful in her sadness and elegant among the waste surrounding them. he reaches out and holds her hand, curling fingers into her gloved palm. he looks at her like he's lost and she has the answers to why he feels this way. ]

Can I kiss you?

[ the conclusion anakin and ahsoka have come to is not one she can share. realistically, padmé is aware of the possibility. she understands how difficult it would be to survive so long either out in the desert or trapped somewhere on the ship. but that is the extent. she recognizes how crazy she must sound, how desperately heartbroken. another mother begging for hint of her child.

her son is alive. she is sure of it. she would know were it otherwise. he is lost, and in need of being found, a task padmé will see through alone if need be. her faith in her children both is too strong to consider anything less.

…no less strong is her faith in their father.

without need to hide, they have no need to disguise their affection. no demand to limit their embraces. they reach for one another often. but padmé is not so naive as to believe that is the only reason why. time feels very short. he thinks he dies. she, pleading ignorance…does not dissuade him from it. she reaches for him again and again, as much to reassure herself that he is solid, he is with her, he will turn to her. often and more mustafar feels like some terrible nightmare, a moment so disconnected from everything she knows of the man she wed that it cannot possibly be real. padmé still cannot reconcile the two, though she sees hints more often. semblances that would have meant little once, and acquire teeth not unlike a threat.

this is not one. this is anakin asking for her. humbled and intimidated at once ( he still looks for her; she doesn't know the answers he needs ) her eyes flick from his eyes to his mouth. and she can no more turn him away than she can carve out what remains of her heart. in answer ( a promise ), her lips trace his. ]

[ he could almost see the wheels turn in her head, her eyes move as if considering the worth. his worth. and only when she deemed it acceptable does she leans in, and he close his eyes and press his relief - at being loved still, being wanted - into her.

he know it's not true; she wasn't eyeing him like a slave, and her a master. she loves him, simply. he feels it, as much as he feels her lips against his. but he almost breaks away when the thought of losing her, losing this because of his old friend, his kindly father figure outside of the jedi. he loses what time he had with his son, the daughter he'll never meet. his chest tightens and his breath becomes short. he pulls back, a half step away from her and half a sob comes from him.

he is the most talented jedi of his generation and he feels powerless without his jedi tricks, his lightsaber. without a war to distract him from his eventual loses. ]

Padmé. [ he says her name softly. there's a plead caught between saying her name and the next kiss he frantically press on her lips. forgive me becomes a mantra in his head, he doesn't dare to voice it yet. he can pulls her close, wrapping himself around her. ]

[ something uncoils within her when he reaches for her again. the water is at her neck, and padmé sinks into it. she matches him frantic kiss for frantic kiss, driven by a ragged desperation that seeks to erase every millimeter of space between them. her hands climb into his hair, anchoring her. she surrenders to a want born of need, born of the terrible emptiness she feels. like peering at the horizon of a black hole and knowing that way lies only ruin. but the tug is unyielding, and the weight so heavy, and she is tired of carrying it. tired of being the one who must.

when she was young, a child made responsible for a planet, she met another child. he took her hand to lead her through a sandstorm. when he did, padmé had the strangest sensation of her life: like she had found a thread of her fate. it made no sense even after he proved instrumental in breaking the stranglehold around her home. he was sweet; she was grateful; their paths diverged.

anakin has been indelibly etched into her very soul since before she knows when. perhaps he always has been. try to picture her life without him…she can't. his touch does what little else can. for a few, blessed seconds, the universe is wiped from existence. it is only him and her. their love. their tears. the pounding of their hearts provide the staccato beat against which this new chapter plays out. in a galaxy full of uncertainties, one thing she could always be sure of was their love.

even that has been cast into doubt. not that he will not love her, no; that it will, again, not be enough for him.

she needs this. she needs him.

they separate without separating. her brow rests against his. eyes closed, padmé draws in a trembling breath. when she searches his face, her lashes are dark and glistening. ] I love you.

[ he bows his head and in that second, he wonders how she could love a man who she has to share with an old archaic order that pride itself on not knowing love. but he close his eyes and reaches for her ever steady presence in the force. it's unlike a jedi's in many ways; while the jedi - a jedi would feel like something close to white blinding light and a sense of peace, save for the turmoil of war and conflict, she is warmth and sings of belonging and home and an emptiness that nothing can possibly replace. because nothing could replace the children she misses.

she's strong, he knows she is. he sees his mother in her at times and marvels at the woman's strength. still, people break. they reach certain points when dignity is no longer enough, love is no longer enough. he's seen it even though his mother had shield it from him the best she can. when he whispers into her skin the same words she spoke to him, he hopes and hopes that his love will be enough.

anakin's thumbs brush away stray hairs on her face like he wanted to, brush away the wetness on her cheeks and smiles a tight smile through his own watery eyes. ]

I'm sure Luke will turn up. We'll [ ahsoka and him, them. anyone they can rope into looking for him ] keep an eye out for him.

Edited 2016-11-26 02:28 (UTC)

[ she nods. she nods because she has no other option, because she cannot believe in anything else. she swallows the sense of anxiety that rakes up her throat each time she thinks of what she doesn't know, and takes anakin's hand. ]

We'll find him. [ padmé wields resolution — or stubbornness — like a shield. her thumb runs over the backs of his knuckles. ] In the meantime, we should gather these. There was another room I wanted to check before we go back out.

[ he nods and holds a hand out for her. ignore the betrayals, the lost, the fact that nothing will ever be the same. focus on pragmatism, on survival and instincts that comes naturally to him.

anakin checks on the wrist comm, calculates the hours that they have left in the hull. ] We have around an hour. We aren't too far from the exit but we'll still need to make the most of that time.

[ he grabs for the rest of the items that padmé salvaged and hands it to her to stuff in his back pack. it would be more efficient to split up, he thinks, but there's no chance that he's going to leave her side right now. ]

[ padmé loads everything but the rifle into the pack and closes it. her hand drifts down the backpack. the technology involved still eludes her comprehension. their suits are feats of engineering, clearly — they also beg uncomfortable question for which she has no answers.

padmé keeps the long rifle in hand. useless without a power pack, but perhaps she will get lucky in the next room. fingers laced through her husband's, she leads the way. ]

I won't take long. If it will take too long to search, I can come back tomorrow.

[ the idea of another tomorrow, here, twists her stomach, but padmé studiously sets it aside, saves it for a time when she has the time. ]

What have you found?

[ he has to stare at their hands for a moment, dumbfounded by the simple gesture. his attention turns back to her, leading him away, and his hand tightens around hers. ]

I found- [ he paused for a fraction of a second ] A few things. Medical supplies. And some tools I can work with.

[ those felt comfortable in his hands - the tuning stylus, screwdrivers. they felt familiar and reassuring that this world isn't too far from theirs. and when he thinks about tomorrow, he gets a bad feeling about it. ]

I don't like this place. [ his grip tightens just a fraction then his long strides takes him to her side ] Relics like these usually attracts a lot more than we ask for.

[ she does not disagree. ]

We needed the chance to stock up. Rest. [ she has done only one of those, no guesses which. ] But staying beyond that would be unwise.

We're no closer to escaping than we were, and the supplies here will run out too. But I fear some will be difficult to convince. That's the door.

[ the door is a half-rusted rectangle blocking the way. a slender opening was left just wide enough for either of them to slip an arm through comfortably. the floor beyond the room slopes downward away from view. the shapes of objects are faintly visible in the sparse light. ]

[ rest, he almost snorts. but he too doesn't disagree, but rather thinks about ways to get her to rest instead. ]

If anyone's going to convince them, it'll be you.

[ he puts on his most charming smile for her then turns to examine the door. his durasteel arm comes in handy in these cases, when using the force drains so much of his suit's power and the rust is enough to tell him that even if they had a power generator here it wouldn't be able to budge the door. with a good grip settled against the edge, he pulls the door back. the rust makes it more difficult, and the door makes a shrieking noise as metal drags along metal.

anakin steps into the room. he opens himself to the force and when no warning bells are there, he looks to his wife and gives her a short nod. ]

Clear. Careful of the clutter.

[ though padmé smiles back, she does not share his confidence. somewhere along the way she lost it, lost it as she did so much else only this was so unimportant in comparison. even during moments of crisis — and of those there were many — she could assume strength even when she felt nothing but uncertainty.

some days she misses the girl she had been. some days she envies that girl's profoundly arrogant faith.

padmé follows anakin through the doorway, the movement disturbing the red flakes decorating the ground like a dusting of snow. frowning, she eyes the mess of the interior. ] Notice anything? [ it all looks like junk to her, but anakin might see something of value. ]

[ the force feels strange here. like a whisper, a faded image. it screams abandonment and lost, and static. he inhales and goes further into the room. it's littered with knocked over lockers, boxes made for personal use and equipment he's not familiar with.

he pries a locker open with the force, curiously peeking in to find nothing of value. he moves on to the next one and repeats ]

Hey - [ he looks over his shoulder, his eyes landing on that rifle she carries ] I think I found something that might work for that.

[ he digs out the power cell amongst the scraps and hands it to her. it's dusty but unused ] It's been sitting here for a while, but it could still work.

I found a couple of these earlier, but they were too small.

[ this power cell is bigger, however, and heavier, and when she slips it into the opening on the gun meant for it, it clicks comfortably into place. ]

Perfect fit. [ padmé tips her chin down in a little appreciate gesture. ] I'll test it once we're outside.

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